Surely after that I was turned, I repented; and after that I was instructed, I smote upon my thigh: I was ashamed, yea, even confounded, because I did bear the reproach of my youth.

~ Jeremiah 31:19

Unless I am turned, how can I turn? Oh my soul, do not underestimate the wonder it takes to change a heart position. Abraham was turned, Asaph was turned, Jeremiah was turned and Peter was turned. Now that all these are the crème de la crème of old, can a wretched soul such as I am decide to repent on its own accord? Did David repent before Nathan showed up at His door? It appears as though the more I understand the law of the spirit the more I sear my conscience against the pricks that result from breaking it. Putting understanding aside, can I just permit the one who lives in me to handle it in trust, lest I fail to anguish desperately for the multitude of times I break it every hour? LORD turn me.

Jesus son of David, give me the instruction every night, 'William go into your closet right now and smite your thigh'. Tell me LORD, my disposition is too brazen for such a lofty abasement. Oh let it not weary thee, to say it morning, noon and night. 'Son, for all the places the feet of your mind went to during the day, lock up yourself for three hours and smite your thighs'. My heart, is it that you do not tremble at this great and terrible God who visits iniquity and takes no bribe to pervert judgement? When will you avowedly recourse, and decide to be Holy for the rest of time? I mean like change direction from a hellward foolhardiness to a heavenward adherence?